We have a new office assistant in Cube City. I wasn't aware that we were going to replace the 80th assistant we've fired this year, or even that we were interviewing applicants or uncovering some funding for the position.
I haven't met the office assistant yet. I mean, I've seen her around. She was here for a whole day before somebody sent an email introducing her. Actually, that email is more than we usually get when a new person starts working here. We don't have a welcome wagon. We just throw you into the river and see if you can swim upstream by yourself without a life jacket or swim instructor.
I just don't understand why we can't be more friendly and sensitive to new cube dwellers in Cube City. They know nothing, they know nobody, and they have to figure out how to breathe to the left and to the right in deep waters. All we can do is hope that they don't drown. We have websites to save, so we can't be worrying about the people who support us and keep us organized. But I guess that's all water under the bridge.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
All For Show
I'm getting ready to take my new cube mate to her second dog show. I've never shown her, or any other dog, myself in a conformation ring. I'm into obedience tricks, not beauty pageants. But conformation is important for preservation of the breed, so I'm up for it. Oh, and none of my friends will be available to show the dog that weekend, so I'm just stuck learning how to do this scary new thing myself.
My instructor has been meeting with me privately on a regular basis. We had a lesson on Sunday, and I informed her that a friend had told me some disturbing things. I guess conformation people are nice to you until you start winning, and then they start cutting you down. My friend said, "They'll tell you the dog has a bad rear, or they'll tell you to consider getting a professional handler -- ANYTHING to cut you down." When I shared this with my instructor, she replied, "Well, when people tell me that my dog has a bad rear, I tell them theirs isn't so great either!" Of course, she was talking about the dog handlers, not the dogs, as dog handlers are notoriously frumpy and grossly overweight. I thought that was a pretty good response!
It got me thinking about Cube City, as everything does. When you start a new job and know nothing, people are nice to you. They want to show you around and make you feel welcome. They like that you know nothing. It makes them feel like they know something. It's when you start understanding what you're doing and making positive contributions that they turn mean and find ways to destroy you.
I don't understand this type of behavior, and of course not all people in Cube City or dog show rings are like this. I don't know if it's a competitive nature that brings out a mean streak or if people are just too insecure with themselves to be happy for you when you succeed. It seems like a big waste of energy to me. Maybe they just have something big stuck up their bad rears that needs to be surgically removed. I don't know, but I think it's all for show.
My instructor has been meeting with me privately on a regular basis. We had a lesson on Sunday, and I informed her that a friend had told me some disturbing things. I guess conformation people are nice to you until you start winning, and then they start cutting you down. My friend said, "They'll tell you the dog has a bad rear, or they'll tell you to consider getting a professional handler -- ANYTHING to cut you down." When I shared this with my instructor, she replied, "Well, when people tell me that my dog has a bad rear, I tell them theirs isn't so great either!" Of course, she was talking about the dog handlers, not the dogs, as dog handlers are notoriously frumpy and grossly overweight. I thought that was a pretty good response!
It got me thinking about Cube City, as everything does. When you start a new job and know nothing, people are nice to you. They want to show you around and make you feel welcome. They like that you know nothing. It makes them feel like they know something. It's when you start understanding what you're doing and making positive contributions that they turn mean and find ways to destroy you.
I don't understand this type of behavior, and of course not all people in Cube City or dog show rings are like this. I don't know if it's a competitive nature that brings out a mean streak or if people are just too insecure with themselves to be happy for you when you succeed. It seems like a big waste of energy to me. Maybe they just have something big stuck up their bad rears that needs to be surgically removed. I don't know, but I think it's all for show.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Spring Fever
Spring is hard for a girl.
Spring is a time when there's an inexplicable need for change. You want something different from Cube City, and you want it now. And it's spring, which makes you happy and breathless, so anything is possible. The sky is the limit! You will be working for yourself in no time!
But spring lasts about five minutes in Texas, and then it's summer. The oppressive heat takes over. You melt into submission. The Man wins again. You just do what it takes to get through the day. You get your workouts in at dawn or just before dusk. You drink cold adult beverages. You have nothing left to give to your dreams. The fever has broken.
Every spring is like this for me. I don't know how to make this feeling last through the seasons, but I sure wish I could.
Spring is a time when there's an inexplicable need for change. You want something different from Cube City, and you want it now. And it's spring, which makes you happy and breathless, so anything is possible. The sky is the limit! You will be working for yourself in no time!
But spring lasts about five minutes in Texas, and then it's summer. The oppressive heat takes over. You melt into submission. The Man wins again. You just do what it takes to get through the day. You get your workouts in at dawn or just before dusk. You drink cold adult beverages. You have nothing left to give to your dreams. The fever has broken.
Every spring is like this for me. I don't know how to make this feeling last through the seasons, but I sure wish I could.
Monday, April 27, 2009
The Hazing
I spent Friday at home, after realizing that an allergy attack was really a nasty cold. I worked for Cube City from home that day, in a severe haze of cold, sinus, and allergy meds, and I can't tell you what I did. I know I sent emails and updated content throughout the day, but I couldn't give you coherent details about projects.
It's like those times that I drive to work and don't remember the commute. Suddenly I'm just at my desk, and I wonder how I got there? Was traffic bad? Did I have to get off the freeway early to avoid stalled cars? I don't know, and that's just scary.
I think it's almost scarier when you're in a haze and you're sending business communications to other people. I don't know what I wrote. That's scary! I hope my words made sense to the recipients.
I'm happy to say that, despite a slight Nyquil hangover, I'm feeling much more human today. I know how I got to work, and I think I'll remember what I write and send to my teammates. If not, I'll just blame the Nyquil.
It's like those times that I drive to work and don't remember the commute. Suddenly I'm just at my desk, and I wonder how I got there? Was traffic bad? Did I have to get off the freeway early to avoid stalled cars? I don't know, and that's just scary.
I think it's almost scarier when you're in a haze and you're sending business communications to other people. I don't know what I wrote. That's scary! I hope my words made sense to the recipients.
I'm happy to say that, despite a slight Nyquil hangover, I'm feeling much more human today. I know how I got to work, and I think I'll remember what I write and send to my teammates. If not, I'll just blame the Nyquil.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Aborting the Hall
Conflict is not my bag.
I can have "courageous conversations" when I need to, and I often do, but I will avoid conflict whenever possible. I'm a Leo. I just want everyone to get along. I also have very little energy and don't need it getting sucked up by things I cannot control.
The other day, as I was walking down the hall in Cube City, I saw a really nice person getting ready to enter a conference room. She had stopped in the hall because she was on the phone, and she'd obviously had it with the person on the other end of the phone line. She yelled, "I sent it to you, like, FOUR TIMES!!!"
I immediately froze inside of myself and looked for the first exit I could find. I think I was just a little shocked that this nice person had it in her to yell at somebody. I also felt like I shouldn't be there. There's just something spooky about hallways -- like being in a dark alley at night surrounded by sketchiness. I was definitely in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I ended up taking the long way to where I was going, but I felt much better aborting the hall and taking the road more traveled.
I can have "courageous conversations" when I need to, and I often do, but I will avoid conflict whenever possible. I'm a Leo. I just want everyone to get along. I also have very little energy and don't need it getting sucked up by things I cannot control.
The other day, as I was walking down the hall in Cube City, I saw a really nice person getting ready to enter a conference room. She had stopped in the hall because she was on the phone, and she'd obviously had it with the person on the other end of the phone line. She yelled, "I sent it to you, like, FOUR TIMES!!!"
I immediately froze inside of myself and looked for the first exit I could find. I think I was just a little shocked that this nice person had it in her to yell at somebody. I also felt like I shouldn't be there. There's just something spooky about hallways -- like being in a dark alley at night surrounded by sketchiness. I was definitely in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I ended up taking the long way to where I was going, but I felt much better aborting the hall and taking the road more traveled.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Know When to Hold 'Em...
On Monday night, I met up with some former co-workers to discuss the Cube City hell that we once gambled our way through together. I think it's safe to conclude that we were young and stupid to have been working there at all -- and probably desperate for cash.
When I left that Cube City several years ago, I LEFT. I didn't engage in conversations with cube dwellers who still worked there. I didn't want people to know what I was doing. I didn't want to be talked about. I think I was just embarrassed that I had stayed a few years too long and had chosen the lazy path of suffering there rather than doing something proactive to get out of a bad situation. I was stuck in a rut with no ambition to get out. I didn't know when to fold 'em, let alone when to run.
The thing is, the job had been good for a while. It was probably the first job I had that was halfway interesting. Some good people worked there too. Lots of psychos worked there, sure, but the good people made up for the bad. Well, until they left me there, stuck in my rut. It was the hand I had been dealt.
Monday night closed the book on a lot of questions I had about what happened to that Cube City after I left. We laughed about how stupid and crazy our lives were at the time. It just felt good to get past the bitterness of that place and to realize that I don't care what goes on there. It's like a classic soap opera: You can stop watching for several years and know that, when you tune in tomorrow, you'll easily be able to follow the plot (or lack thereof). Nothing ever changes. It's really no wonder why it's easy to get stuck in a rut.
My hope today is that I will henceforth know when to hold 'em. I'll know when to fold 'em. I'll know when to walk away...and I'll definitely know when to run. Then I'll just count my blessings when the dealing's done.
When I left that Cube City several years ago, I LEFT. I didn't engage in conversations with cube dwellers who still worked there. I didn't want people to know what I was doing. I didn't want to be talked about. I think I was just embarrassed that I had stayed a few years too long and had chosen the lazy path of suffering there rather than doing something proactive to get out of a bad situation. I was stuck in a rut with no ambition to get out. I didn't know when to fold 'em, let alone when to run.
The thing is, the job had been good for a while. It was probably the first job I had that was halfway interesting. Some good people worked there too. Lots of psychos worked there, sure, but the good people made up for the bad. Well, until they left me there, stuck in my rut. It was the hand I had been dealt.
Monday night closed the book on a lot of questions I had about what happened to that Cube City after I left. We laughed about how stupid and crazy our lives were at the time. It just felt good to get past the bitterness of that place and to realize that I don't care what goes on there. It's like a classic soap opera: You can stop watching for several years and know that, when you tune in tomorrow, you'll easily be able to follow the plot (or lack thereof). Nothing ever changes. It's really no wonder why it's easy to get stuck in a rut.
My hope today is that I will henceforth know when to hold 'em. I'll know when to fold 'em. I'll know when to walk away...and I'll definitely know when to run. Then I'll just count my blessings when the dealing's done.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
A Singing Activity
Every now and then, it's important to listen to song lyrics and think about how they apply to Cube City. But what's even better is to make a cubicle parody out of them.
What's your torch song?
What's your torch song?
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
You Don't Know Me
Last Wednesday morning, as I was getting ready to head into Cube City, I paused. I turned to my significant stapler and said, "Hey, my performance review is today. Wouldn't it be funny if I wore my YOU DON'T KNOW ME t-shirt?"
What you've got to know about this t-shirt is that it's a thrift-store gem. Brand-new, tags still attached, five bucks. And there's a picture of a lady in a trench coat and pumps on the front, striking a bad-ass pose and busting an attitude. Only then do you notice the touristy words that inform you where this t-shirt came from: Washington DC's International Spy Museum.
I wanted so badly to wear that t-shirt, but I knew it was tacky and rude. So I refrained. And I really don't have any problems with my current manager. Yes, you heard me. My manager is actually within my discipline and knows my challenges. So in a way, she does know me. I'll save the t-shirt gag for my next boss.
What you've got to know about this t-shirt is that it's a thrift-store gem. Brand-new, tags still attached, five bucks. And there's a picture of a lady in a trench coat and pumps on the front, striking a bad-ass pose and busting an attitude. Only then do you notice the touristy words that inform you where this t-shirt came from: Washington DC's International Spy Museum.
I wanted so badly to wear that t-shirt, but I knew it was tacky and rude. So I refrained. And I really don't have any problems with my current manager. Yes, you heard me. My manager is actually within my discipline and knows my challenges. So in a way, she does know me. I'll save the t-shirt gag for my next boss.
Monday, April 20, 2009
It's Four-Twenty
In Cube City, it's the simple things that make us laugh and wonder how our lives came to this.
But anyway, my significant stapler used to work with a pothead named Bill. We liked Bill. He was a cool guy.
Bill had a penchant for dates that were cool and clever, and I'm not talking about chicks. I'm talking about calendar dates. He would call my significant stapler and say, "Hey, you, happy 8-8-8" on August 8, 2008. He especially liked 1-2-3 -- January 2, 2003. You get my point.
So this is a shout out to Bill the Pothead, as I know he must be loving the world-wide code for pot smokers that lines up with today's date: 4-20.
But anyway, my significant stapler used to work with a pothead named Bill. We liked Bill. He was a cool guy.
Bill had a penchant for dates that were cool and clever, and I'm not talking about chicks. I'm talking about calendar dates. He would call my significant stapler and say, "Hey, you, happy 8-8-8" on August 8, 2008. He especially liked 1-2-3 -- January 2, 2003. You get my point.
So this is a shout out to Bill the Pothead, as I know he must be loving the world-wide code for pot smokers that lines up with today's date: 4-20.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Patty Cowboy
Once upon a time in Cube City, there was an unpopular brown noser that nobody liked. But few people publicly talked about how much they disliked this kiss-ass talentless jerk. She had problems. She was nuts and could fly off the handle at any moment, without warning. We all pretty much left it at that because there's always one loose cannon in the workplace. Always one.
One day, as I was laying low in my cubicle, a co-worker that I really liked stopped by my desk. He was helping me write scenarios for an emergency room software training aid. He wanted to walk me through what he had crafted. As he presented his scenarios to me, I noticed that one of his patient examples had a name bearing a very close resemblance to that of the loose cannon. This poor patient, named Patty Cowboy, had over-the-top chronic diseases and other unfortunate life circumstances. I knew the real Patty Cowboy would see this scenario and make the connection, but I didn't ask my likable co-worker to revise it. I thought it was a brilliantly passive-aggressive way of letting a loose cannon know that she doesn't look good on paper.
One day, as I was laying low in my cubicle, a co-worker that I really liked stopped by my desk. He was helping me write scenarios for an emergency room software training aid. He wanted to walk me through what he had crafted. As he presented his scenarios to me, I noticed that one of his patient examples had a name bearing a very close resemblance to that of the loose cannon. This poor patient, named Patty Cowboy, had over-the-top chronic diseases and other unfortunate life circumstances. I knew the real Patty Cowboy would see this scenario and make the connection, but I didn't ask my likable co-worker to revise it. I thought it was a brilliantly passive-aggressive way of letting a loose cannon know that she doesn't look good on paper.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Thinking about Rustling Up a Baby
I actually told my significant stapler last night that I might want to get pregnant so that I can take advantage of paid maternity leave. Lots of people are doing it right now, and I like to be part of the "in" crowd.
When you seriously think about having a child just so that you can escape from Cube City for a few months, you know you're off your rocker.
When you seriously think about having a child just so that you can escape from Cube City for a few months, you know you're off your rocker.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Creating a Stink
A total asshole (literally) farted in the elevator today -- as if being in the elevator with others isn't awkward enough on its own. Some people in Cube City really stink.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
It's About a Paycheck
Last Friday, after a complete B-E-A-T D-O-W-N in Cube City, I ran home to the comfort of an ice-cold glass of imported beer. My brain was hurting, and I had to medicate it as quickly and deliciously as possible. I'm happy to say that the beer remedy worked.
I've been known to become highly reflective after a drink or two. Last Friday was no different. I turned to my significant stapler and said, "You know, none of this Cube City stuff really matters. I don't care if I ever get promoted to a title that finally reflects what I've been doing for the past two years. I don't care if my boss ever really knows what I do, how hard I work, or how much I accomplish. In the end, we work only because we have to. We need money to live. That's all that really matters -- a paycheck."
I really dislike how I sometimes take Cube City and my career way too seriously. I wish I could be drunk all the time because I really see things a lot more clearly after a few drinks. May we all realize that it's about a paycheck and nothing more. Well, okay, it's about beer too. Cheers.
I've been known to become highly reflective after a drink or two. Last Friday was no different. I turned to my significant stapler and said, "You know, none of this Cube City stuff really matters. I don't care if I ever get promoted to a title that finally reflects what I've been doing for the past two years. I don't care if my boss ever really knows what I do, how hard I work, or how much I accomplish. In the end, we work only because we have to. We need money to live. That's all that really matters -- a paycheck."
I really dislike how I sometimes take Cube City and my career way too seriously. I wish I could be drunk all the time because I really see things a lot more clearly after a few drinks. May we all realize that it's about a paycheck and nothing more. Well, okay, it's about beer too. Cheers.
Monday, April 13, 2009
I Need a Clone
Well, here we are again -- overworked and understaffed in Cube City. I'm supposed to do the work of two full-time people this week, and I have no idea how. I mean, I'm not two people, nor can I pretend to be. I have no idea how I'm going to be in two places at once. I don't have the time or energy to pull this off. I think the powers-that-be are in complete and utter denial about our staffing issues. I know this when I ask for help and my requests fall on deaf ears.
There are no solutions. There is no support. You are your only solution and your only support. It's a lonely world out there.
There are no solutions. There is no support. You are your only solution and your only support. It's a lonely world out there.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Good Friday
I don't have Good Friday off in Cube City these days, but I don't really care. Every Friday is good to me, unless I know that I'll be working the weekend.
I hope you all have a Good Friday. It's always a sacred day in my book.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Chemistry
Chemistry. It's not just for scientists and romantics anymore.
I recently attended a postmortem for a Cube City project that actually went very well. It was good to hear my teammates share what they thought had gone well and what they thought we could do better next time.
But really, I think we just had a lot of chemistry throughout the lifespan of the project. Here are the things that worked in our favor:
- We all liked each other.
- We all liked the client.
- The client liked us. Like, seriously.
- The client had a big budget.
A big budget is most of the battle. It allows us to do lots of cool stuff to help us like each other.
I have to keep this in mind when I work on teams where things don't go as well. The chemistry is off, for whatever the reason. As a result, things blow up and people break up. Okay, so maybe chemistry is just for scientists and romantics after all.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Cube Q&A: Workplace Diversity
Q: Why do I work with nothing but white guys in Cube City?
A: You work for white guys who are bigots. Any questions?
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Duck Lips
It was in Cube City, many years ago, that I discovered I was allergic to Rice Krispies.
I was sitting at my desk, typing away on the computer and enjoying a homemade Rice Krispies square, when it happened.
My lips suddenly started to tingle, and I felt intense and painful swelling. Luckily, it was the end of the work day, so I shut down my computer and ducked out the door. When I got to the car and looked into the rear view mirror, I freaked out: I had duck lips!
I drove home and feverishly did Internet searches for lip swelling. I freaked myself out with possible diagnoses from various message boards and sites that weren't exactly reputable. I thought about going to the ER, but that would have been frustrating, humiliating, time consuming, and costly. So I called my nursing friend who specialized in cardiology. In nursing school, she had sent me very entertaining and detailed diagrams of things she was learning, like how to divide the butt into four quadrants before determining where to give a shot. She knew everything, and she would know how to help me.
She sent me to the store for Benedryl. I was sporting a full-on duck beak at this point, so it wasn't exactly fun for me to be parading around in public. I had wrapped a scarf around my face, which would've been less suspicious if it hadn't been August in Texas.
When the Benedryl didn't work, I called my nurse friend back. She suggested lip balm with SPF of at least 15. She said the higher the SPF, the better it would work -- and it would only work IF the lip balm contained SPF. I had some of this lip balm at home, so I used it...and it worked! Nurses are so cool.
Unfortunately, I had no idea at this point that I was allergic to Rice Krispies. The next day, as I was getting ready for work, I enjoyed a bowl of Rice Krispies. DUCK LIP ALERT! I tried the lip balm with SPF again. It didn't work! So I took the Benedryl again, waited, and found that it didn't work. I followed up with the lip balm once again...and it worked! Weird. I headed off to Cube City armed with very little confidence, Benedryl, lip balm with SPF, and no Rice Krispies. I must have applied the lip balm and swallowed Benedryl a million times that day in my paranoia about the return of duck lips. These are the types of things, after all, that our fellow cube dwellers live for: To see each other get totally humiliated by things we can't control.
So this is a shout out to my cardiology nurse friend for helping me get rid of duck lips. Now, if only we could find a remedy for the painful swelling caused by a lifetime of working in Cube City.
I was sitting at my desk, typing away on the computer and enjoying a homemade Rice Krispies square, when it happened.
My lips suddenly started to tingle, and I felt intense and painful swelling. Luckily, it was the end of the work day, so I shut down my computer and ducked out the door. When I got to the car and looked into the rear view mirror, I freaked out: I had duck lips!
I drove home and feverishly did Internet searches for lip swelling. I freaked myself out with possible diagnoses from various message boards and sites that weren't exactly reputable. I thought about going to the ER, but that would have been frustrating, humiliating, time consuming, and costly. So I called my nursing friend who specialized in cardiology. In nursing school, she had sent me very entertaining and detailed diagrams of things she was learning, like how to divide the butt into four quadrants before determining where to give a shot. She knew everything, and she would know how to help me.
She sent me to the store for Benedryl. I was sporting a full-on duck beak at this point, so it wasn't exactly fun for me to be parading around in public. I had wrapped a scarf around my face, which would've been less suspicious if it hadn't been August in Texas.
When the Benedryl didn't work, I called my nurse friend back. She suggested lip balm with SPF of at least 15. She said the higher the SPF, the better it would work -- and it would only work IF the lip balm contained SPF. I had some of this lip balm at home, so I used it...and it worked! Nurses are so cool.
Unfortunately, I had no idea at this point that I was allergic to Rice Krispies. The next day, as I was getting ready for work, I enjoyed a bowl of Rice Krispies. DUCK LIP ALERT! I tried the lip balm with SPF again. It didn't work! So I took the Benedryl again, waited, and found that it didn't work. I followed up with the lip balm once again...and it worked! Weird. I headed off to Cube City armed with very little confidence, Benedryl, lip balm with SPF, and no Rice Krispies. I must have applied the lip balm and swallowed Benedryl a million times that day in my paranoia about the return of duck lips. These are the types of things, after all, that our fellow cube dwellers live for: To see each other get totally humiliated by things we can't control.
So this is a shout out to my cardiology nurse friend for helping me get rid of duck lips. Now, if only we could find a remedy for the painful swelling caused by a lifetime of working in Cube City.
Monday, April 6, 2009
The Wrong People Make the Decisions
I hate layoffs and everything about them. I can't imagine anyone liking them, but I just have to say it again: I hate layoffs and everything about them.
In some recent layoffs in Cube City, there was the usual mix of "It's no surprise" and "Who's the ill-informed idiot who made this ill-informed decision?"
I got to thinking about one person I didn't know very well who was affected by the layoffs. I had been in only one meeting with him in two years. He seemed like a bright guy who wanted to make things better for my team. But after that one meeting and everything he said he'd do, I never heard from him again. I didn't really think about it much either.
Until now.
If somebody had come to me and asked for reasons to keep this guy on the payroll, I wouldn't have been able to offer an informed decision. In my experience, he did not follow through on his promises. But really, who knows why I never heard from this guy again? His role might have changed. He might have been buried in causes more important than mine. He might have been working nights and weekends on other things, and I never would've known.
I wonder who picks the names of people to lay off? All it takes is the wrong person, who has no idea what a cube dweller does, to make a wrong decision. The worst part is, the decision maker never realizes what he or she has done. I'm sure I could quiz many decision makers and make them sweat...because they really don't know what they're doing. How do these people sleep at night?
It's no surprise that we are surrounded by ill-informed idiots who make ill-informed decisions in Cube City. It just gets really personal when we're talking about decisions that affect a person's livelihood. I just hate layoffs and everything about them. Okay, I'll lay off the whole thing now.
In some recent layoffs in Cube City, there was the usual mix of "It's no surprise" and "Who's the ill-informed idiot who made this ill-informed decision?"
I got to thinking about one person I didn't know very well who was affected by the layoffs. I had been in only one meeting with him in two years. He seemed like a bright guy who wanted to make things better for my team. But after that one meeting and everything he said he'd do, I never heard from him again. I didn't really think about it much either.
Until now.
If somebody had come to me and asked for reasons to keep this guy on the payroll, I wouldn't have been able to offer an informed decision. In my experience, he did not follow through on his promises. But really, who knows why I never heard from this guy again? His role might have changed. He might have been buried in causes more important than mine. He might have been working nights and weekends on other things, and I never would've known.
I wonder who picks the names of people to lay off? All it takes is the wrong person, who has no idea what a cube dweller does, to make a wrong decision. The worst part is, the decision maker never realizes what he or she has done. I'm sure I could quiz many decision makers and make them sweat...because they really don't know what they're doing. How do these people sleep at night?
It's no surprise that we are surrounded by ill-informed idiots who make ill-informed decisions in Cube City. It just gets really personal when we're talking about decisions that affect a person's livelihood. I just hate layoffs and everything about them. Okay, I'll lay off the whole thing now.
Friday, April 3, 2009
At Least We're Not Bitter
An old friend recently wrote to inform me that 12 people at our former Cube City had been laid off. He wrote, “Isn’t that sweet?” I must admit that I felt comforted by the dripping sarcasm in his message. We had both liked that Cube City in a former life. We had felt like it was going somewhere. We had helped build the business, and we were going to get our piece of the pie when it went public.
But as with most Cube Cities, things were going well and business was picking up…so naturally, we had a reorg to ensure that things would get totally fucked up for everyone.
The company leaders hired a CEO who had no idea what he was doing. My friend and I survived two rounds of layoffs and countless reorgs. A moron had destroyed our dream.
Reluctantly, my friend and I left the company. We’d had our hopes that things would change. It didn’t help that we were the first to realize that the ship was sinking. You have nagging doubts when you’re the first to leave and everybody thinks you’re crazy. You hope the company will fail so that you have no regrets about your decision. It’s not an easy place to be.
It has taken many years to see the hole in this ship get bigger. It’s pitiful to admit, but I’m glad to see it happening. The overpaid, underqualified CEO who fucked up our dream needs a little humbling, and he’s not going to get it on his own.
At least we’re not bitter.
But as with most Cube Cities, things were going well and business was picking up…so naturally, we had a reorg to ensure that things would get totally fucked up for everyone.
The company leaders hired a CEO who had no idea what he was doing. My friend and I survived two rounds of layoffs and countless reorgs. A moron had destroyed our dream.
Reluctantly, my friend and I left the company. We’d had our hopes that things would change. It didn’t help that we were the first to realize that the ship was sinking. You have nagging doubts when you’re the first to leave and everybody thinks you’re crazy. You hope the company will fail so that you have no regrets about your decision. It’s not an easy place to be.
It has taken many years to see the hole in this ship get bigger. It’s pitiful to admit, but I’m glad to see it happening. The overpaid, underqualified CEO who fucked up our dream needs a little humbling, and he’s not going to get it on his own.
At least we’re not bitter.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
The Joiner
Many Cube Cities ago, I shared an office with Letty. I found Letty to be a typical Cube City office mate – somebody you didn’t feel remotely tempted to spend time with outside of the office.
Letty was one of those strange people who told you way too much about her personal life. She was really into hiding out in the woods, decked out with swords and Renaissance clothing. She was a computer gadget geek. She was a member of every professional technical writing organization and message board you could think of. She had an impressive wig collection, but that’s something she didn’t talk much about. She was only 32 and had just gone through major surgery for breast cancer.
Letty’s heart was always in the right place. However, those of us around her, who’d had our hearts ripped out by office politics, didn’t have much patience for her positive attitude. Letty was a joiner, and she was actively and relentlessly recruiting. If you weren’t passionate about the causes she was joining, something was wrong with you.
Letty did her part to spread the word about breast cancer. We were the same age, and she was convinced that every woman our age needed a breast cancer screening. Cancer had struck Letty, so it could strike anyone. I appreciated her doing her part to raise awareness, but that’s pretty much where my appreciation ended. I was sorry for Letty’s tough travels, but we were on very different paths, and I just didn’t want a joiner trying to fork us down the same road.
I might become a joiner when I retire from Cube City. Until then, I shall join the cause against joiners.
Letty was one of those strange people who told you way too much about her personal life. She was really into hiding out in the woods, decked out with swords and Renaissance clothing. She was a computer gadget geek. She was a member of every professional technical writing organization and message board you could think of. She had an impressive wig collection, but that’s something she didn’t talk much about. She was only 32 and had just gone through major surgery for breast cancer.
Letty’s heart was always in the right place. However, those of us around her, who’d had our hearts ripped out by office politics, didn’t have much patience for her positive attitude. Letty was a joiner, and she was actively and relentlessly recruiting. If you weren’t passionate about the causes she was joining, something was wrong with you.
Letty did her part to spread the word about breast cancer. We were the same age, and she was convinced that every woman our age needed a breast cancer screening. Cancer had struck Letty, so it could strike anyone. I appreciated her doing her part to raise awareness, but that’s pretty much where my appreciation ended. I was sorry for Letty’s tough travels, but we were on very different paths, and I just didn’t want a joiner trying to fork us down the same road.
I might become a joiner when I retire from Cube City. Until then, I shall join the cause against joiners.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
A Fool's Day
Well, this is it: The return to hell from vacation.
Clearly, the joke is on me.
I once worked in a Cube City where April Fool’s Day was a pretty major event. A few fools decided to play a prank on my boss by taking his cubicle apart and moving the pieces around. The motivational posters on his walls were turned upside down. His pens and other personal items were shifted around to different desk drawers. People added nickels and dimes to his penny collection. I found it all very odd.
I’m not big on orchestrated surprises. I figure we get enough unsolicited surprises every day in Cube City.
Clearly, the joke is on me.
I once worked in a Cube City where April Fool’s Day was a pretty major event. A few fools decided to play a prank on my boss by taking his cubicle apart and moving the pieces around. The motivational posters on his walls were turned upside down. His pens and other personal items were shifted around to different desk drawers. People added nickels and dimes to his penny collection. I found it all very odd.
I’m not big on orchestrated surprises. I figure we get enough unsolicited surprises every day in Cube City.
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