I lost my ID badge somewhere in Cube City yesterday. I retraced my steps and interviewed cube dwellers about whether or not they'd seen it. I went to the front desk to see about getting a new one, but it will take time. I must be punished for a suitable amount of time before I am rewarded with a new ID badge, I guess.
What bothers me more is that I have to pay $15 for a new ID badge...because, in Cube City, being human and losing something for the first time in the two years you've worked here is going to cost you.
For now, I have a temporary ID badge that works only during office hours. Since I come in early, long before office hours begin, this temporary badge doesn't help me. What's worse is that it's attached to a toy. The receptionist informed me that all temporary badges are attached to toys. So now I have this temporary ID badge that can't get me access to the building when I need it and is glued to a gigantic tub of Play-Doh.
It makes playing nice with the other children in Cube City that much harder.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Twitter Talk
When I got home from Cube City yesterday, my significant stapler started sharing great hate for Twitter. The conversation went something like this:
Stapler: I hate Twitter.
Scissors: Me too. I refuse to Twitter. Why are you tweeting if you hate it so much?
Stapler: Well, okay, I don't hate Twitter. I hate things about Twitter...like people you don't know who start following you, and most of them are trying to get you to click on their spam.
Scissors: I take it you are clicking on their spam?
Stapler: Well, some of it sounds so interesting!
Scissors: It's obvious you're not in marketing for a living. Spammers count on people like you.
Stapler: What's really frustrating is that most of the spam is porn! I don't want to see that!
Scissors: Oh. Well, stop clicking on the porn, then.
Stapler: I don't mean to! I don't know it's porn until I click on it, and then I see those nasty photos!
Scissors: [off on a tangent...it was only a matter of time] Be careful. You could get fired for downloading porn while you're working. Oh, wait. You work for yourself. Wouldn't it be funny if you were paranoid about firing yourself?
Stapler: I hate Twitter.
Scissors: Me too. I refuse to Twitter. Why are you tweeting if you hate it so much?
Stapler: Well, okay, I don't hate Twitter. I hate things about Twitter...like people you don't know who start following you, and most of them are trying to get you to click on their spam.
Scissors: I take it you are clicking on their spam?
Stapler: Well, some of it sounds so interesting!
Scissors: It's obvious you're not in marketing for a living. Spammers count on people like you.
Stapler: What's really frustrating is that most of the spam is porn! I don't want to see that!
Scissors: Oh. Well, stop clicking on the porn, then.
Stapler: I don't mean to! I don't know it's porn until I click on it, and then I see those nasty photos!
Scissors: [off on a tangent...it was only a matter of time] Be careful. You could get fired for downloading porn while you're working. Oh, wait. You work for yourself. Wouldn't it be funny if you were paranoid about firing yourself?
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
My Fair Lady
My boss asked me to give feedback about people that I don't work with in Cube City. I don't know what to tell her. Performance reviews are coming up, and I want to be helpful; however, all I have for these people is high-level impressions that have nothing to do with their work performance. It doesn't seem fair to offer feedback when I have nothing to say. But, as my father would probably say, who ever said that Cube City is fair?
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Mug Shots
Yesterday, somebody came by my desk in Cube City and said I needed to have my picture taken for our online employee directory. She took my photo, and I looked tired and sweaty...which is totally unacceptable for a Monday after a long holiday weekend.
I asked her to retake my photo, and she did.
Still tired. Still sweaty.
The truth of Cube City does not lie, and I now have the mug shot to prove that Cube City is like prison.
I asked her to retake my photo, and she did.
Still tired. Still sweaty.
The truth of Cube City does not lie, and I now have the mug shot to prove that Cube City is like prison.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Sleepy Surprises
I don't like surprises in Cube City. Because I don't like surprises, I do what I can to prevent them. I check my work email around 10:00 every night before coming into work because, like I said, I don't want any surprises if I can help it.
But lately, a cube dweller has been sending emails around 1:00 AM, and not just to me. I feel like I need to come into work three hours early just to respond to all of her emails, and I have to wonder where she is during regular office hours and why she can't send her emails then, when we're all on a level playing field. Other cube dwellers agree with me that she needs to get a life. Or at least some sleep. Nobody should be sending emails at 1:00 AM.
If I didn't have a life, I'd surprise her with a 1:01 AM reply.
But lately, a cube dweller has been sending emails around 1:00 AM, and not just to me. I feel like I need to come into work three hours early just to respond to all of her emails, and I have to wonder where she is during regular office hours and why she can't send her emails then, when we're all on a level playing field. Other cube dwellers agree with me that she needs to get a life. Or at least some sleep. Nobody should be sending emails at 1:00 AM.
If I didn't have a life, I'd surprise her with a 1:01 AM reply.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
A Quick Fix
It appears that the maintenance man sometimes plays security guard in Cube City. I don't know if he babysits the security desk while the guard is in the little boys' room or what, but it makes me nervous to think that our maintenance man is multi-tasking as a security guard.
If I start to see the security guard multi-tasking as a maintenance man in the building, I'll know for certain that this is a quick fix in our "do more with less people" cubicle society.
If I start to see the security guard multi-tasking as a maintenance man in the building, I'll know for certain that this is a quick fix in our "do more with less people" cubicle society.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
The Need to Think It Through
I've been working so much in Cube City and sleeping so little that I can't think anymore. I can't formulate thoughts. I can't even put fragments of thoughts into intelligible words. I just have to tell people lame and vague things like, "I haven't thought through it yet."
Yesterday, something happened to pop the small amount of air left in my balloon. I had been working on three really cool concepts for a brand video with a pretty awesome team and had done a lot of the work after hours because I just couldn't fit it in with everything else on my plate.
After a lot of after-hours work, the project got shelved due to budget constraints.
It happens, but now I'm ridiculously exhausted for nothing. I hope we get to pick this fun project back up someday, but I really wish we could determine that there's no money for a project before we put our hearts and souls into it. You'd think we could do something this basic, but I guess we haven't thought through it yet.
Yesterday, something happened to pop the small amount of air left in my balloon. I had been working on three really cool concepts for a brand video with a pretty awesome team and had done a lot of the work after hours because I just couldn't fit it in with everything else on my plate.
After a lot of after-hours work, the project got shelved due to budget constraints.
It happens, but now I'm ridiculously exhausted for nothing. I hope we get to pick this fun project back up someday, but I really wish we could determine that there's no money for a project before we put our hearts and souls into it. You'd think we could do something this basic, but I guess we haven't thought through it yet.
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