Thursday, December 31, 2009

About 2009

Let's never speak of 2009 again. It's been a hard year for a lot of people.

At high noon today, I'm so out of Cube City for the rest of the year, and I just hope 2010 is better for cube dwellers across the land.

Happy New Year to all!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Use Your Noggin

If you ever feel uninterested in paying attention when others are speaking in Cube City, use your noggin.

You've done it. I've done it. We've all done it. It's a survival strategy for corporate boredom. It's the head nod.

I love observing people in Cube City during speeches and meetings. I wonder what they're thinking when I know I'm bored out of my ever-lovin' mind. I see people nodding their heads like they're listening intently to someone who's undoubtedly boring. When the speaker unexpectedly directs a question at the listener, who is pretending to listen, you can tell that the listener is caught in the lie of a head nod.

I think it's both courteous and disrespectful to feign interest in someone or something with a head nod. I realize that some people are actually interested in boring speakers, and that's fine. To each their own. I say you need to do whatever it takes to stay awake in Cube City to combat boredom. Use your noggin and you'll be just fine.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Skeleton Crew

It's another short holiday work week in Cube City, with minimal minions doing the work. Being on the skeleton crew can go either way:
  1. There can be way too much to do because there are way too few people to do it.
  2. It can be really quiet because the people who are supposed to be leading the projects don't feel like working and therefore aren't giving you any direction.
It's a little early in the week to say for sure, but so far it's a mix of these scenarios for me. This is good because I need a little flexibility to do my own thing without a lot of "there's nothing to do and the clock won't move forward" boredom. I'm trying to squeeze doctor and dentist appointments into my work schedule this week before my health benefits cycle starts over on January 1st (that's Friday for those of you on the skeleton crew who are facing scenario #2 above with the spare time to read this blog). Hey, appointment hopping is what the healthcare system has given us, so it's time to give back.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Holiday Blues

The holidays are always a bit dysfunctional and depressing if you're not lying to yourself, and I'm glad to have them behind me. However, I'm not glad to have the paid holiday time behind me. It goes too fast. Now I'm back in Cube City and thinking about the next time I'll be off work, which, after New Year's Day, looks like late April. That just seems like a lifetime away, and I don't feel rested or ready for a new year of challenges. I hope it's a quiet week in Cube City. I need to feel like I've had a vacation from something. I'm just not sure what that is yet.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Lost: The Sequel

Oh, blast it all to hell. I have lost my ID badge again. That makes a total of $30 this year spent on trying to get myself back into Cube City. What's wrong with this picture? Who pays money to work? I guess I do. Grumble.

I don't know how it happened this time. All I know is that I reached for my ID badge yesterday morning, but it was not in its usual place. It wasn't anywhere else either. I've been in a NyQuil fog for over a week, thanks to sickly germs I undoubtedly acquired in Cube City, so who knows -- or even cares, at this point -- where it went?

Well, that's my last grand stunt before the office closes for a few days. Hope you all get at least a few days of rest and relaxation away from Cube City. I'll be back on Monday, and I want a badge for that.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Remembering Remy

It's a sad day, cube dwellers, and I don't feel much like writing about Cube City today. My new cube mate's brother Remy passed away in a sudden and tragic accident yesterday, and I am terribly sad for his owner and extended family. Remy was a bigger version of my new cube mate in every way, so this really hits home. If you have pets, please go home and hug them.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Romancing the Cubicle

Lately, I've seen a few guys trying to get their game on with the ladies in Cube City. I find it kind of funny...and kind of frightening at the same time.

I know from experience that you don't want to get your honey where you get your money. You don't want to get your sex where you get your checks. It's just a really bad idea. Sure, it will be fun at first, but it will most likely turn bad for you, your honey, and your money.

So, to all you cube dwellers trying to get a honey in Cube City, all I can do is say -- if you want to play, you'd better update your resume.

Friday, December 18, 2009

The Man Downstairs

It's been a weird year in Cube City, especially downstairs in the deli. When the deli first opened, a lot of cube dwellers were very excited because it was the only place to get food without leaving the building.

But time passed, and the novelty wore off. I don't know if others notice the strangeness, but there are some weird men running the deli. The first man seemed very happy and thankful for everyone's business in the beginning...until the novelty wore off and he started openly complaining about how bad business was. Time passed, and apparently he did too.

Now there's a new man running the deli downstairs, and he's way too happy and excited about being there. What's super-weird is that he wears a shirt that advertises the name of one cafe, but the receipt lists the name of a completely different cafe, and neither the shirt nor the receipt match the name of the sign on the deli door. I just wonder how many men it takes to run a deli? I don't know, but I wouldn't ask the man downstairs.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

All Over the Place

Lately, and quite frequently, I've been pulled in a lot of different directions in Cube City. I've been forced to multi-task so severely that I'm really not mentally present in any given place at any given time. How is that possible when I'm physically EVERYWHERE?

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Cube Q&A: Giving Guidance

Q: As a peon in Cube City, is it really my responsibility to provide basic guidance to a senior-level executive?

A: Dearest peon, it's cute that you expect higher-level people to know basic things. Aim lower.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I Have No Snowballs

Yesterday in my Cube City, we got a seasonal email reminder about what to do when inclement weather is upon us. Basically, there's not a snowball's chance in hell that the office will close. However, we were nicely informed to take a vacation day if we don't feel comfortable risking our lives to get to work.

There's not a snowball's chance in hell that most companies would so clearly put this type of information in writing, so I'll take it.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Fresh Meat

I've been lucky to work with some really great people in Cube City. One of them has been on maternity leave for a few months, which is not great (for me).

Change can be hard, especially in Cube City. It can turn you into dead meat if the circumstances don't go your way.

But change can also be a very good thing. With a great person being on maternity leave, I initially feared that I'd turn into dead meat. Instead, I've had the opportunity to work with Fresh Meat, and it's gone really well. Fresh Meat has a different way of doing things, as he should because he's a different person...but he's still very talented and enjoyable to work with. It's just nice to realize how change can be so fresh and good.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Chickens

It was a dark and stormy Wednesday in Cube City. I had just left one meeting and joined another already in progress. I checked my Facebook, as a girl is wont to do after concentrating on work for too long. I noticed one Friend's status, which went something like this:

Chickens with heads cut off! Ugh!

I turned to a cube dweller sitting next to me, showed him my Friend's status on Facebook, and said, "Do you think she's talking about us? She posted this during our last meeting."

I wouldn't blame her for thinking we're all chickens with our heads cut off. It's how we operate in Cube City. There's no time to think through anything or propose solid solutions. The thing is, people who get frustrated never seem to let it out. They just implode and then post passive-aggressive statements for everyone to see on Facebook. To me, that's just as chicken as running around with your head cut off.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Meeting of the Minds

Lately, it's been hard to get into a conference room on time in Cube City. People's meetings are running over the allotted time slots on a regular basis, and there are few conference rooms to go around anyway. But, really, I wonder why I've had to wait outside the door so much for people to wrap up their meetings. Don't we all hate meetings? Why isn't everyone making a mad rush for the door as soon as time's up, if not sooner? I don't know, but I think we need a meeting of the minds to get this right.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

On My Nerves

Scissor Girl is getting a workout in Cube City this week with some serious carpal tunnel syndrome. Ironically, carpal tunnel isn't working my nerves near as hard as some of the people I'm working with...but before I go off on another tangent, I'll just stop typing and start repairing the nerve damage.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

SOS

Yesterday couldn't have been more of a shit storm in Cube City. I'm working on a project with a really unorganized person right now, and I just hate it. After making massive edits to an unplanned project all day, I got a request at the end of the day to do everything over with a complete change of direction.

The person wanted changes "ASAP."

I'm not going to entertain you with what "ASAP" stands for in my world right now. All I can say is that lack of organization on one person's part does not constitute an emergency on my part. Not at the end of the day. Not after I handed you everything you asked for on a silver platter. You really can't have diarrhea of the mouth at the end of the day and expect people to clean up after you. I can only stand so much of a shit storm before needing to come up for fresh air.

It's a new day, but it sure feels like the "SOS" (same old shit).

Monday, December 7, 2009

Don't Try This At Home

Scissor Girl has got nuttin' to say today. I'm trying this 30-day workout experiment that hurts me physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Like a mutha.

Every day.

I'm on Day 7 of this workout experiment from hell, and it's not getting any easier. You know how there are times when focusing on work in Cube City is impossible because you're hurtin' like a mutha from stupid human tricks you try at home? That's where I'm at today.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

It's My Friday

It grates on my nerves when cube dwellers brag about taking time off when they know damn well that you're going to be stuck in Cube City. They'll come up to you on a Thursday, grinning from ear to ear, and flauntingly say, "It's my Friday."

Don't you just want to smack them?

Well, I usually want to smack them, but now it's my turn. Guess what? It's my Friday! Yes, indeed, I am off work tomorrow. I'd brag more about it, except that it's my last day off of the year, minus one paid holiday weekend. So please hold the smacking. I think my Monday is going to last for the rest of the month.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Guesstimates

I don't like providing estimates in Cube City. I know they're important. But usually I don't have enough information about a project to provide a good estimate of how long it will take. I end up taking guesses.

I remember My Paper Boss telling me that he'd been providing estimates for 15 years and had no idea if any of them were ever close. He'd just throw out a number and never hear about it again. Maybe I should be more like him. Maybe I should just throw out my guesstimate and not worry about it anymore. I guess I just hate guessing.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Stapler Boy

Why do grown boys fiddle with things? I was sitting in a conference room with a grown boy yesterday, and he was fiddling with a stapler that someone had left on the table. He pressed the stapler down, extracted a few staples, and started unbending their edges. When he got bored with that, he tore the plastic cover off his iPhone and started pressing on the edges of the cover. I think he was trying to break his own property. I'm not sure what he was trying to accomplish, actually, but I find that boys -- in Cube City and elsewhere -- like to fiddle with things. I just don't understand why. I'm glad I am Scissor Girl, not Stapler Boy.