I had never interviewed people before accepting my current gig in Cube City, and I have to say that the experience of interviewing prospective cube dwellers has been quite a self-esteem boost. There are some crazy people out there looking for jobs, no matter what the economic situation. They remind you of how employable you really are.
Most of us are really good at "hiding the crazy" for the first six months on the job, but a lot of interviewees can't make it past the first six seconds of the interview.
A friend sent me a resume for laughs recently, as her Cube City is hiring an executive assistant. Well, trying to hire an executive assistant. They've been actively interviewing candidates for at least two months. This particular resume proved that some job seekers can't even get interviews because their resumes are so whacked. There were a lot of things wrong with the resume, but one sparkling gem was a list of reasons for leaving each job. One reason had something to do with the distance of the commute, how this issue was discussed during the interview, and how the job "just didn't work out." How can you submit a resume like that and really think that you have a chance of getting a job? That's just...crazy!
This Halloween, I hope we can all hide the crazy with our costumes -- at least long enough to score some candy and savor the flavor of being employable.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Trick or Treat
So it's one week after the layoffs and we're having a Halloween party in Cube City.
How scary is that?
What's even more interesting is that, in this post-layoff environment, people suddenly seem to be wearing costumes. It's their attitudes, more than their clothes, that are dressed up in captivating disguises. Everybody just seems to be really nice to each other and very hard working right now...except for The Talker, of course...
How scary is that?
What's even more interesting is that, in this post-layoff environment, people suddenly seem to be wearing costumes. It's their attitudes, more than their clothes, that are dressed up in captivating disguises. Everybody just seems to be really nice to each other and very hard working right now...except for The Talker, of course...
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
The Talker, Part Deux
Not only am I obsessed with Facebook; I am obsessed with The Talker's stupidity here in Cube City.
As if The Talker's relentless personal phone calls aren't enough, she's also trying to pawn her work off on anyone who is enough of a sucker to see her as a victim.
She has been working with my team long enough to know what she's doing, but she prances around and says, "I'm sorry, I'm really new to all of this, so I need your help." Then she dumps her work in your lap and goes back to yapping on the phone with Suzy's sister-in-law's cousin's best friend.
She'll send me emails with the classic question of, "Does this make sense to you?" She must think that I'm as stupid as she is to fall for that one. Okay, I was stupid the first time she asked, but I caught on after it was obvious that she was wanting me to figure out her role for her -- something I couldn't and wouldn't do. I have enough on my plate without moonlighting for The Talker.
What amazes me is that her role is really pretty simple. It requires reading a client's email all the way through in order to figure out how to satisfy a request. I realize that it is probably too much to ask a person to read a paragraph or two in today's society, but...well...you see my point.
I'm just really sad for the smart, hard workers who were laid off when this particular fuckhead somehow made the cut. Somebody please hand me my scissors. I can at least cut her phone line.
As if The Talker's relentless personal phone calls aren't enough, she's also trying to pawn her work off on anyone who is enough of a sucker to see her as a victim.
She has been working with my team long enough to know what she's doing, but she prances around and says, "I'm sorry, I'm really new to all of this, so I need your help." Then she dumps her work in your lap and goes back to yapping on the phone with Suzy's sister-in-law's cousin's best friend.
She'll send me emails with the classic question of, "Does this make sense to you?" She must think that I'm as stupid as she is to fall for that one. Okay, I was stupid the first time she asked, but I caught on after it was obvious that she was wanting me to figure out her role for her -- something I couldn't and wouldn't do. I have enough on my plate without moonlighting for The Talker.
What amazes me is that her role is really pretty simple. It requires reading a client's email all the way through in order to figure out how to satisfy a request. I realize that it is probably too much to ask a person to read a paragraph or two in today's society, but...well...you see my point.
I'm just really sad for the smart, hard workers who were laid off when this particular fuckhead somehow made the cut. Somebody please hand me my scissors. I can at least cut her phone line.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
The Talker
If you're on Facebook, which is my latest time-sucking fetish, you have seen my many manic status postings about my new cube neighbor. She is The Talker.
The Talker spends most of her day in Cube City yapping on the phone with her friends. Whether she's having boy problems or Suzy's sister-in-law's cousin's best friend can't believe her boyfriend wore plaid shorts in public, The Talker is on that phone giving and/or receiving personal counseling all day long. I just want to throw her phone out the window.
Others in Cube City have noticed The Talker too. What I can't understand is how The Talker can be so oblivious to cubicle etiquette, not to mention everything that has been going on lately with our armpit of an economy and layoffs. If you have half a brain and care about keeping your job, you don't make it obvious that you're fucking around on the company dime all day long.
I suppose I should just be thankful that The Talker and I aren't friends on Facebook. There isn't enough bandwidth in cyberspace for me to deal with her yapping face.
The Talker spends most of her day in Cube City yapping on the phone with her friends. Whether she's having boy problems or Suzy's sister-in-law's cousin's best friend can't believe her boyfriend wore plaid shorts in public, The Talker is on that phone giving and/or receiving personal counseling all day long. I just want to throw her phone out the window.
Others in Cube City have noticed The Talker too. What I can't understand is how The Talker can be so oblivious to cubicle etiquette, not to mention everything that has been going on lately with our armpit of an economy and layoffs. If you have half a brain and care about keeping your job, you don't make it obvious that you're fucking around on the company dime all day long.
I suppose I should just be thankful that The Talker and I aren't friends on Facebook. There isn't enough bandwidth in cyberspace for me to deal with her yapping face.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Important Bulletin from Scissor Girl
Greetings, fellow cube dwellers, and welcome to another glorious Monday.
Did that sound bubbly enough? Did I convince anyone with my grandiose attempt at exuberance?
Anyway, I'm just popping in briefly today to share a few words of wisdom. I have only a few words of wisdom in my blades, so pay close attention. Okay, here goes: If you expect Cube City to meet your expectations at any time in your life, you will find that you are very disappointed. It's just best to expect nothing from Cube City, no matter how big or small.
I now return you to your regularly scheduled broadcast.
Did that sound bubbly enough? Did I convince anyone with my grandiose attempt at exuberance?
Anyway, I'm just popping in briefly today to share a few words of wisdom. I have only a few words of wisdom in my blades, so pay close attention. Okay, here goes: If you expect Cube City to meet your expectations at any time in your life, you will find that you are very disappointed. It's just best to expect nothing from Cube City, no matter how big or small.
I now return you to your regularly scheduled broadcast.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Friends
What is a person to do in Cube City amid complete and utter chaos?
In the midst of massive layoffs this week, I have actually thought about sending the President/Founder a friend request on Facebook -- like, thanks for being a friend and not laying me off. But we're really not friends, and I'm sad for my good friends who are out of work today...so I'll refrain.
It's hard to know what to say to my friends who aren't here anymore. Do I invite them out for beer, or do I just send them a virtual beer through Facebook? All I know for sure is that beer is necessary at a time like this.
A real friend is someone who is there for you, no matter what is going on in your life. Layoffs in this economy are business, not personal, but they feel personal all the same. You really can't be friends with your company's founder because business will always prevail.
I hope for better days and better times for all of us. I really wish we could all be friends.
In the midst of massive layoffs this week, I have actually thought about sending the President/Founder a friend request on Facebook -- like, thanks for being a friend and not laying me off. But we're really not friends, and I'm sad for my good friends who are out of work today...so I'll refrain.
It's hard to know what to say to my friends who aren't here anymore. Do I invite them out for beer, or do I just send them a virtual beer through Facebook? All I know for sure is that beer is necessary at a time like this.
A real friend is someone who is there for you, no matter what is going on in your life. Layoffs in this economy are business, not personal, but they feel personal all the same. You really can't be friends with your company's founder because business will always prevail.
I hope for better days and better times for all of us. I really wish we could all be friends.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Whew...
You know how you worry and fret for a few weeks, as the rumors fly irresponsibly throughout Cube City, and you finally get the truth?
Well, I finally got the truth as we know it, and I am drained...so I'll have to do this blog thing another day. I'm just glad that the truth fits my reality today.
Well, I finally got the truth as we know it, and I am drained...so I'll have to do this blog thing another day. I'm just glad that the truth fits my reality today.
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