Office Assistant #81

We have a new office assistant in Cube City. I wasn't aware that we were going to replace the 80th assistant we've fired this year, or even that we were interviewing applicants or uncovering some funding for the position.

I haven't met the office assistant yet. I mean, I've seen her around. She was here for a whole day before somebody sent an email introducing her. Actually, that email is more than we usually get when a new person starts working here. We don't have a welcome wagon. We just throw you into the river and see if you can swim upstream by yourself without a life jacket or swim instructor.

I just don't understand why we can't be more friendly and sensitive to new cube dwellers in Cube City. They know nothing, they know nobody, and they have to figure out how to breathe to the left and to the right in deep waters. All we can do is hope that they don't drown. We have websites to save, so we can't be worrying about the people who support us and keep us organized. But I guess that's all water under the bridge.

All For Show

I'm getting ready to take my new cube mate to her second dog show. I've never shown her, or any other dog, myself in a conformation ring. I'm into obedience tricks, not beauty pageants. But conformation is important for preservation of the breed, so I'm up for it. Oh, and none of my friends will be available to show the dog that weekend, so I'm just stuck learning how to do this scary new thing myself.

My instructor has been meeting with me privately on a regular basis. We had a lesson on Sunday, and I informed her that a friend had told me some disturbing things. I guess conformation people are nice to you until you start winning, and then they start cutting you down. My friend said, "They'll tell you the dog has a bad rear, or they'll tell you to consider getting a professional handler -- ANYTHING to cut you down." When I shared this with my instructor, she replied, "Well, when people tell me that my dog has a bad rear, I tell them theirs isn't so great either!" Of course, she was talking about the dog handlers, not the dogs, as dog handlers are notoriously frumpy and grossly overweight. I thought that was a pretty good response!

It got me thinking about Cube City, as everything does. When you start a new job and know nothing, people are nice to you. They want to show you around and make you feel welcome. They like that you know nothing. It makes them feel like they know something. It's when you start understanding what you're doing and making positive contributions that they turn mean and find ways to destroy you.

I don't understand this type of behavior, and of course not all people in Cube City or dog show rings are like this. I don't know if it's a competitive nature that brings out a mean streak or if people are just too insecure with themselves to be happy for you when you succeed. It seems like a big waste of energy to me. Maybe they just have something big stuck up their bad rears that needs to be surgically removed. I don't know, but I think it's all for show.

Spring Fever

Spring is hard for a girl.

Spring is a time when there's an inexplicable need for change. You want something different from Cube City, and you want it now. And it's spring, which makes you happy and breathless, so anything is possible. The sky is the limit! You will be working for yourself in no time!

But spring lasts about five minutes in Texas, and then it's summer. The oppressive heat takes over. You melt into submission. The Man wins again. You just do what it takes to get through the day. You get your workouts in at dawn or just before dusk. You drink cold adult beverages. You have nothing left to give to your dreams. The fever has broken.

Every spring is like this for me. I don't know how to make this feeling last through the seasons, but I sure wish I could.

The Hazing

I spent Friday at home, after realizing that an allergy attack was really a nasty cold. I worked for Cube City from home that day, in a severe haze of cold, sinus, and allergy meds, and I can't tell you what I did. I know I sent emails and updated content throughout the day, but I couldn't give you coherent details about projects.

It's like those times that I drive to work and don't remember the commute. Suddenly I'm just at my desk, and I wonder how I got there? Was traffic bad? Did I have to get off the freeway early to avoid stalled cars? I don't know, and that's just scary.

I think it's almost scarier when you're in a haze and you're sending business communications to other people. I don't know what I wrote. That's scary! I hope my words made sense to the recipients.

I'm happy to say that, despite a slight Nyquil hangover, I'm feeling much more human today. I know how I got to work, and I think I'll remember what I write and send to my teammates. If not, I'll just blame the Nyquil.

Aborting the Hall

Conflict is not my bag.

I can have "courageous conversations" when I need to, and I often do, but I will avoid conflict whenever possible. I'm a Leo. I just want everyone to get along. I also have very little energy and don't need it getting sucked up by things I cannot control.

The other day, as I was walking down the hall in Cube City, I saw a really nice person getting ready to enter a conference room. She had stopped in the hall because she was on the phone, and she'd obviously had it with the person on the other end of the phone line. She yelled, "I sent it to you, like, FOUR TIMES!!!"

I immediately froze inside of myself and looked for the first exit I could find. I think I was just a little shocked that this nice person had it in her to yell at somebody. I also felt like I shouldn't be there. There's just something spooky about hallways -- like being in a dark alley at night surrounded by sketchiness. I was definitely in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I ended up taking the long way to where I was going, but I felt much better aborting the hall and taking the road more traveled.

Know When to Hold 'Em...

On Monday night, I met up with some former co-workers to discuss the Cube City hell that we once gambled our way through together. I think it's safe to conclude that we were young and stupid to have been working there at all -- and probably desperate for cash.

When I left that Cube City several years ago, I LEFT. I didn't engage in conversations with cube dwellers who still worked there. I didn't want people to know what I was doing. I didn't want to be talked about. I think I was just embarrassed that I had stayed a few years too long and had chosen the lazy path of suffering there rather than doing something proactive to get out of a bad situation. I was stuck in a rut with no ambition to get out. I didn't know when to fold 'em, let alone when to run.

The thing is, the job had been good for a while. It was probably the first job I had that was halfway interesting. Some good people worked there too. Lots of psychos worked there, sure, but the good people made up for the bad. Well, until they left me there, stuck in my rut. It was the hand I had been dealt.

Monday night closed the book on a lot of questions I had about what happened to that Cube City after I left. We laughed about how stupid and crazy our lives were at the time. It just felt good to get past the bitterness of that place and to realize that I don't care what goes on there. It's like a classic soap opera: You can stop watching for several years and know that, when you tune in tomorrow, you'll easily be able to follow the plot (or lack thereof). Nothing ever changes. It's really no wonder why it's easy to get stuck in a rut.

My hope today is that I will henceforth know when to hold 'em. I'll know when to fold 'em. I'll know when to walk away...and I'll definitely know when to run. Then I'll just count my blessings when the dealing's done.

A Singing Activity

Every now and then, it's important to listen to song lyrics and think about how they apply to Cube City. But what's even better is to make a cubicle parody out of them.

What's your torch song?