And the Award Goes to...

We recently had an embarrassing awards luncheon in Cube City. The leaders of various projects said a few embarrassing words about everyone on the team and then handed out certificates that included those embarrassing words.

Some of the awards were really random. I was recognized for a brand I barely touched and completely unrecognized for a brand that I contributed to on a regular basis. The person who said a few embarrassing words about me described me as "laid back." The way she said it sounded like a bad thing. She went on to say something like, "Don't let that laid-back attitude fool you. Scissor Girl delivers the goods to the client every time!"

Wuh? I thought being laid back was a good thing? Not that I'm good at being laid back (hardly), but apparently somebody was worried about me getting the work done. I guess I didn't seem worried enough? Weird.

I find awards to be odd and unnecessary. I'm sure they're a good thing, but I guess I'm too busy delivering the goods to mull it over. Maybe I'm just not used to being recognized for my work, especially the work I don't work on! I now accept this award for being laid back on brands I don't work on. Thank you very much.

How's Your Heart?

Do you ever get so involved in your work that you feel your heart racing -- and not in a good way? Lately, I've had so many little things needing my attention in Cube City that I feel like I'm running a mile a minute all day long. I don't have time to relax. Running is supposed to be good for the heart, but only in moderation. I don't think there's any such thing as moderation in Cube City.

The House Bread

I work with a funny person in Cube City who is really good at presenting information to our clients. She can charm them into loving crap if that's what we've given them. I can't do that.

Lately, she's been cracking me up with the analogies she uses to sell them on various ideas. The other day, she was using the analogy of building a house when explaining budget concerns and how to best use their money on projects. Do they want granite countertops or bay windows? A three-car garage or a swimming pool?

Just one day later, she was using the analogy of bread. She actually told the client that no matter what we decide to create, it's bread. It could be banana bread, honey wheat bread, or pumpkin bread, but it's still bread.

I couldn't help myself. I had to start laughing during the meeting. Don't get me wrong. I think it's a gift to sell crap to clients. I wish I could. So I'll just stick to making the bread instead of explaining how to create or use it.

My Cubicle Kids

It's quite sobering when you realize that you're one of the old ladies in Cube City...and yet you're still decades away from retirement.

I realized the other day, when a young cube dweller asked for my advice, that I'm no longer a kid in a cube. I'm like the parent of the cubicle kids. It's like they flock to me for approval. In a lot of these situations, I'm not even their boss.

Ack! How did I get here?

I like my cubicle kids, but what am I going to do when they grow up? Am I going to suffer from Empty Cubicle Syndrome? I don't know, but I'm very uncomfortable in this role. I need to go find some older people to work with.

All Dressed Up

The first week of the year in Cube City is always entertaining. The people around you are cordial, and they're wearing new clothes. Or maybe they're cordial because they're wearing new clothes. Or maybe they just appear newly dressed in positive attitudes for whatever the reason.

Whatever the reason, I like it.

That Is All

I haven't really started the New Year out right in Cube City. I haven't been bringing my lunch, which means I've had to answer to the man downstairs at the deli.

I really don't like the man downstairs. Whether I buy a full meal deal or a soda, his response at checkout is always the same: "That is it? That is all you want?"

Look, pal, I'm sorry if I don't bring my cloth recycling bag into the deli and do all of my grocery shopping there, but you could at least try to act a little grateful for my business.

And so a new year of complaining begins. It only took me two days, cube dwellers! That is all.

A New Decade

It's time to start thinking positively again about Cube City -- until the novelty of the New Year wears off, anyway.

Now that a new decade has commenced, I think back to the millennium years and where I worked throughout them.

2000-2005: A small but inspiring Cube City for the first three years; a disaster under new management (I use the term "management" loosely here) from 2003 onward

2005-2007: A very big, established, and boring Cube City that did not challenge me at all but was nonetheless kind to me; in my disgustingly large amount of downtime, I was able to hone my personal Web surfing skills -- so much that I eventually ran out of ideas on what to Google

2007-present: An "anything goes" type of Cube City where, generally speaking, I'm happy even though I bitch a whole lot and have to frequently beat fires out of my hair

So where have you been the past 10 years? Welcome to a new decade of working, cube dwellers!