Please Pitch My Photos

Last week in Cube City, I had to go to our in-house photo studio (I use the term "photo studio" loosely here). The devil made me do it. I was told that our business development team needed photos of a few cube dwellers for some pitch work, and I was one of those dwellers.

When I showed up at the photo studio, I stepped onto this white platform with a white background and instantly knew that I was doomed. You don't put a pasty white girl up against a white background if you have any knowledge of photography at all. But whatever. The photographer (I use the term "photographer" loosely here) had me turning my feet, body, head, and/or eyes in various directions, and I just felt stupid and awkward the whole damned time. I was really glad when the photographer told me that we were done and I could leave. My jaw hurt from fake smiling, and my ears hurt from listening to her say fake things like, "Great!" and "Perfect!"

Later that day, the photographer sent me a file path to my digital photos. I was supposed to pick 3 to 5 of the best photos (I use the term "best photos" loosely here) from the bunch.

OMG. There must have been at least 30 horrible, fuzzy, weird-ass photos of my pasty white head turned in a bunch of horrible, fuzzy, weird-ass directions against that blasted pasty white background. I forced myself to pick 4 photos for the photographer to use, despite hating all of them, because I didn't want somebody else picking the best of the worst to use at their own discretion (I use the term "discretion" loosely here).

I really hope nobody ends up using these photos if they actually expect us to win this business pitch. Instead, I think they should pitch the photos in the trash and let our work paint the picture.