I hate layoffs and everything about them. I can't imagine anyone liking them, but I just have to say it again: I hate layoffs and everything about them.
In some recent layoffs in Cube City, there was the usual mix of "It's no surprise" and "Who's the ill-informed idiot who made this ill-informed decision?"
I got to thinking about one person I didn't know very well who was affected by the layoffs. I had been in only one meeting with him in two years. He seemed like a bright guy who wanted to make things better for my team. But after that one meeting and everything he said he'd do, I never heard from him again. I didn't really think about it much either.
Until now.
If somebody had come to me and asked for reasons to keep this guy on the payroll, I wouldn't have been able to offer an informed decision. In my experience, he did not follow through on his promises. But really, who knows why I never heard from this guy again? His role might have changed. He might have been buried in causes more important than mine. He might have been working nights and weekends on other things, and I never would've known.
I wonder who picks the names of people to lay off? All it takes is the wrong person, who has no idea what a cube dweller does, to make a wrong decision. The worst part is, the decision maker never realizes what he or she has done. I'm sure I could quiz many decision makers and make them sweat...because they really don't know what they're doing. How do these people sleep at night?
It's no surprise that we are surrounded by ill-informed idiots who make ill-informed decisions in Cube City. It just gets really personal when we're talking about decisions that affect a person's livelihood. I just hate layoffs and everything about them. Okay, I'll lay off the whole thing now.
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Speaking as one who's now on the cutting room floor, Scissor Girl, your point is well-taken. The paperwork they make you sign prevents me from saying anything about the ax. I do give thanks to the terminator, though, that the end was swift when it came. Clearly this person was an experienced blade runner.
You see, there are 2 ways to do the layoff: scalpel, and tuna fish can lid. When you're laid off by scalpel, it's a quick move - painful but the cut is clean and fast. When you're unlucky enough to be laid off by tuna fish can lid, it's like being hacked away - slow, rough, messy. Scalpel method gets you out the door on the same day. Tuna fish can lid means "you're fired, but we need you to hang around a few weeks - oh, and don't tell anybody." I can't imagine the energy needed to conceal the durm und strang from friends and colleagues. So I'm glad that when it was my time, the cut was merciful.
Another favorite version of scalpel versus lid: the terminator says "well, we've terminated your position and this is your last day." A nice, cleancut delivery. One time at another company, I got the "lid" approach: "Who here uses an electric toothbrush? I just came from the dentist and he thinks I need one. I'm not sure because I like a plain one - I hate going to the dentist. I mean the whole floss thing. Do you floss? How often? Twice a day? Once a week, really, how often? Did you wear braces? I wore braces and I remember the time . . ."
The guy was so uncomfortable doing the layoff that he discussed his own oral care for 10 minutes and would have kept going if HR hadn't stepped in. Now that's painful.
Dear Scissor Girl,
I must say, hearing about lay-offs is just tiring! These days, I listen to less news...and, as I have been a victim of a lay-off myself, some days I just sit and work from home while the rest of the world hears about job cuts and bonus payouts while sitting nervously in their cube as the terminator walks around.....yikes!
I think someone needs to make a "Wonderful Day" news channel where you hear only good things and good news. Why hasn't anyone done that yet? We need it now!
"The sun came up today...news at 11"
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