Here's a conversation I recently had with an Idiot in Cube City (ICC). It's not the first conversation of this nature and probably won't be the last.
ICC: Hi! So...I want to change teams and have already talked to somebody who wants me on their team.
Me: Oh, wow. Okay. I knew you had wanted a change, and that has never left my mind. The opportunity just hasn't been there to help you out. I wasn't aware of an open position, but I know that can change too. So...there's an open position?
ICC: Well, I was told that they wanted me.
Me: Well, that's great! It's always good to be wanted.
ICC: I hope you don't think I've been going behind your back. I'm just excited about this opportunity.
Me (dream response): You are a dumb ass if you expect me to buy that you are not going behind my back. Clearly you are! Say what you mean and mean what you say, dumb ass.
Me: Hey. If you see an opportunity in this world, you have to take it. I think you should go for it. I'm excited for you! So tell me about it. How soon could you make this move?
ICC: Oh. Well, I don't really want to leave our team. I mean, I do but I don't.
Me (dream response): Oh, interesting. Since I'm not crushed that you want to change teams, you are now the one who's crushed. Yes, it's true! You can be replaced! And the thing is, you're such a problem on our team that I'd be thrilled if you left! How easy my life would become! Go! Be gone with you! I'm begging you, please!
Me: There are pros and cons to being on any team. You have to do what's best for your career and think about what's going to take you to the next level -- whatever that looks like. This opportunity sounds like something for you to think about. Any transition we make will be gradual across teams, I'm sure, so you'll have time to really think about it, try it out, and see what you think.
ICC: Great! Thank you for your support. I really hope you don't think I was going behind your back! I'm just really excited about this opportunity!
Poor ICC doesn't stand a chance in hell of escape. Just because another team wants you doesn't mean there's an open position. And there isn't. But we can all dream.
Poor Me. I don't get to reap the benefits of ICC's escape. But in a Cube City where change is either painfully slow or totally non-existent, all we can do is hope and dream for other opportunities to come our way. Here's hoping and dreaming for fewer stupid conversations in the future.
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2 comments:
We should all have "Truthfull Fridays" where we can respond to anyone what we are REALLY thinking....and nothing is remembered come next Monday.
Just think what the world would be like.....
This post is wildly creative.
I think you truly have the making of a book here. You just need to expand on the theme you've started: what we think inside our heads, and what we know we have to say professionally in Cube City. This has "The Office" written all over it in an even more entertaining way.
This book could be written and sold on the shelves of college bookstores, so kids would know what ICC looks and sounds like.
Hold onto this idea.
It's got low hanging fruit.
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